i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
