I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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