Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
