are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
