I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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