Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How does one acquire holy water?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
