he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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