you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
