I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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