bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
