Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
