So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
