I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
