he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
