who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
