Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
