I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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