we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
