No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You took a bar mat shot.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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