can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
