i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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