don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
