You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
