At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
