Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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