walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
