she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
