Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Betty ford says i'm here all night
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
