Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
