I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Randomize
