Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We need a shit load of segways right now
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
