his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
