I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
