Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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