apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All I want is dick and wine.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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