the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
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For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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