I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
