I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
