I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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