If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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