You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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