Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
