how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
