"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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