Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I enjoy the company of your penis
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