A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
