I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
