i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
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