Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
No subtext here. People are naked.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
