I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize