Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't deserve a penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
