those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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