im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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