this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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