I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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