I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
