lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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