Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
