Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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