dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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