Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
