you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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