its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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