you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
