all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
