i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
