I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
