His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
love makes seman taste better
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
