mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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