pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
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I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
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I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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