im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
